Girl talk, Relationships

The parenting paradox

kimuya

The weeks leading to delivery are a paradox of time.

You spend minutes listening to the sound of your breath, perplexed by the weight of your steps, watching your weight, too- no pun intended. Minutes that stay.

You kill hours awash in curiosity- about your little human and life after them. It’s your first time. And so, instead of getting lost in blind wonder, you read (some more) about little humans; usually beginning your search terms with ‘how to’ (insert verb), [a] (insert object – baby’). How predictable you can be!

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Finding me more

kimuya

In a recent study, 98% of participants responded to the question ‘What do you do’ by mentioning their careers, job titles, professions or their businesses. The remaining 2% (Mostly Gen Z) smiled their way out or gave incisive answers like ‘I spread happiness and positive vibes’ or ‘I live my best life every day’.

The 98% there, of course, caught me off guard because it had not occurred to me just how much job titles and professions defined the human identity. It scared me more because I could not help but wonder what happens to our identities when we lose our jobs or go through life experiences, like accidents, that rob us of our ability to practice our professions.

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Relationships, Three cents

When the mountain won’t move…

kimuya

The story that I am about to tell you does not begin when we conceived or when the complications started 3months later. It begins on 20 March 2020 when I was referred for a scan owing to (not so severe) pelvic pains.  I never went! One, because we had just started working from home following the first Covid19 case and two, the pain was gone anyway. And so, when we conceived 7 months later with the IUD in place, my initial thoughts were that the pain I had had in March was probably caused by the coil; because coils move sometimes and it causes pain (and oops pregnancies too, right? )

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When the tide gets high

kimuya

Where to start? At 28 we get married, at 29 get our first child and at 30 we welcome twins.

Wait, got pregnant again at 30 with twins or delivered them at 30?

Haha, delivered them. I was that breastfeeding Mom still figuring out how to handle a baby then boom, pregnant again. And just when I thought that was all, we realized that we were expecting twins.

Okay, life switched to the fast lane real quick, yeah?

Yeah, when we started parenting the three children. A one-year-old and a set of twins. Any parent will tell you that one child is A LOT of work. Ours were three, and we were just 30. At birth, the twins came out okay. The girl was however put on oxygen and so the attention shifted to her. It did not occur to us at that point that the one who would need all the attention in the next coming months was the boy. Not then.

At what point did you know?

I can’t say that I knew, at least not before the doctor’s prognosis. Thing is, I occasionally thought he was a fluid child.

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A day in time…

kimuya

***

It started on one fine evening in the beginning of time; when the clock stood still for a moment and it occurred to me that this was THE one. He ticked every box (at least then) and it was clear in my head that this was the ‘IT’.

Over the next many months, I talked to him all day long; and spoke about him at every available opportunity- accorded and un-accorded alike. I am fine became a response of old and I quickly picked to… ‘The going is great, I am so in love and by the way I am also getting married soon🥰’. Depending on my own judgement of how much time you had for our chat, I would happily tell you about where it all started in the beginning of the end of my throne as the self-appointed ambassador of the “Men are trash” campaign. I would reintroduce myself as a pro bono advisor regarding the doctrine of ‘one true love’ and ‘good men still exist’ and ‘chivalry is not dead’. I stayed besotted, nice and doting on this Man who was showing me love and care in a way that I never thought I was deserving of; just a girl so gleefully optimistic of the promise of an unending love. Still.

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A chance to life…

kimuya

Some of us live in times of crisis; Some of us live through the times of crisis. The gravity of a time of war, for example, is only best expressed by those who have memories of loved ones slain in the battle, or those who remember the exchange of fire not by the sound of the gunshots but by the wounds that they bear from them ,or those who do not just remember the season with a blurred vision because they were young but those who have to live their entire life with no childhood memories because they had to mature up way too soon and bear scars of warfare at tender ages- child soldiers and children who had to take up parenting roles to their siblings because they lost their parents in war, instantly handing the adulthood baton to them. Those who lost everything that they lived for or traded part of their life to bargain for a future so uncertain!

And so is the reality of living in and through the covid Pandemic.

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Mental health

kimuya

What is mental health?

In layman’s language, mental health is ‘that’ which defines whether our minds are in a dark place or at a good place. It follows, therefore, that our mental health status determines how we think, feel and act; and to a large extent, impacts how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.

In technical terms,  Mental Health is  the emotional, social and psychological well-being’.

Being mentally healthy translates to relatively happier and content lives. The reverse is true. Unfortunately, we continue to define mental health for what it’s not and battle with mental health disorders *cluelessly.

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Lessons from Covid times

kimuya

It still catches me by surprise that you found us worthy of being part of the generation that will live to tell the unadulterated tale of your time.

Remember how it started? It was fear at first ear-hear. And rightfully so because ours was a troubled house. Locusts were upon us and doctors and nurses had on and off strikes and go slows- a clear indicator that the healthcare system was barely afloat. Nonetheless, you found your way here and have (sure) chosen to overstay.

I have had many feels about you over the period; among them- appreciation for the lessons.

For teaching us to look within

Photo by Anna Auza on unsplash

Because life can come to us real hard when we least expect.

You could lose the job that fueled your ego and defined your social standing; the organization or company could shut down-taking away your sense of financial security, your livelihood could be threatened by every macro factor and your health could be taken away from you in a jiffy.

Suffice to say, the rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under your feet with absolutely no warning. And when it does, it is time to look within because you were (a full person) before you became (a title).

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Relationships, Three cents

5 Little laws

kimuya

It occurred to me that in marriage, there were laws beneath that had passed unnoticed; and laws that would never have made sense (in theory) because we have to live through them to comprehend…Here’s to both.

The little law of flight landing

This little law states that you can never land so smoothly that you do not notice the change.

And change comes in many ways and with special demands. Some effortless-like shifting from I to We or Mine to ours in conversations. Some a little too much to ask of an adult but nonetheless necessary. Like learning how to shift the conversation from ‘I am doing this’ to ‘I was thinking of doing a,b,c,d; what are your thoughts about it’. And when you expect a ‘Brilliant! Great idea, go forth and conquer’ response, you will likely receive a cut no. And you sit there in utter shock wondering how long you should wait before telling them that on the contrary, you were actually just telling them what you are going to do, not asking them for permission to do it. (as they seem to have interpreted for themselves)

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Circles

kimuya

The days are long, but the years are short!

For some daft reason, I will start with an apology for ghosting you readers for most part of the year gone. Indeed, the days were long (extraordinaire); and before we knew it, the year gone. But was it that short?

Flipping wooden cubes for new year change 2020 to 2021. New year change and starting concept.

Mathematically speaking, 2020 lasted approximately 24 months and 969 years. In religious language, this translates to all the suns and moons that Methuselah lived through. Financially, it was a year of lean returns and socially, the interactions were (close to ) nil for the better part of the year. And yet we lived through it and are part of a generation that will live to  tell other generations all about it. Shall we raise our glasses in gratitude? It was undeniably a unique year and we learnt (rather quickly) that there was always a different way of doing things. That it was possible to press a pause button on calendars and timelines because health came before all else. That it was possible to actually work remotely and that probably, social gatherings were overrated. In all these, we rethought strategies and reorganized plans because at the end of the day, life had to go on.

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